Is done just dating God and ready for a full time commitment....

No, I'm not crazy, this is my answer to the question posed to me in my daily devotional podcast from Joyce Meyer.  I must say I'm a bit nervous, but I have already put it all at God's feet and I am ready to completely put my faith and trust in him AND give completely to what he asks of me and not just half of what he asks. 

Since starting my beginning my spiritual journey in M.O.M.S, I have seen things so differently.  Going to church on Sundays and praying from home (or wherever else the urge/need to pray hits me) is just the tip of the iceberg and only a part of what he asks of me.  I am not sure why it is all happening now, but he knows.  I know that right now I have so many struggles in my life and I know that only if I commit to him completely and fully will I rise from my struggles and be where I am and who I am supposed to be in my life.  Even writing this leaves me a bit dazed and confused, so I will just continue to listen for his lead and follow, at some point it will become a big beautiful picture.

My husband and I have so many struggles right now.  Getting a house ready to sell in a market that is not by any means seller friendly, attempting to get the finances in order (you know paying off the debt and trying to be better savers), oh and did I mention the getting ready for him to leave for a 14 month det. to Afghanistan...no struggles or stresses there at all.  It is in the midst of this and raising a family that I am beginning to blossom in my spirituality.  In this I understand that I am only human and I will have my personal struggles and my occasional falls from good graces (i.e. the thing called retail therapy), but it is in recognizing this, continuing to pray for God's guidance, continuing to listen to him AND following him and trusting in him 100% that in his time things will happen.   It is a kind of weird surreal feeling, as stressed as I should feel right now about everything, I no longer am stressed, in fact I feel at peace (feels weird saying that) with everything.  I know and have always believed (maybe not always understood it) that he will never give me more than I can handle, so it he has put this in front of me, then he knows I will make it through. 

 I think I'm beginning to babble again...but seriously I know what I'm talking about.
  God Bless!

Stronger by Mandisa (From the Upcoming Album "What If We Were Real")

This song came on the radio this morning and it really hit home for me... This will get me through the next year and a half... 

So, I have not posted again in about a week or so...someday I will find the time to share life's events on a more regular basis.  I've been going to M.O.M.S (Ministry of Mom's Sharing) for a few weeks now and I LOVE it, I can see changes in myself already (and the women I have met are wonderful).  Now of course there is always room for improvement...it's a marathon not a sprint, LMBO!  I've set another mini goal for myself, but it is really something I've been setting out to do since the deigning of the year...you know the one about my owning my feelings and not letting other's walk all over me...again it's a work in progress.  I am determined to not let the actions of others destroy me while  J is gone this time around.  I still have to learn to share my feelings with people and let them know when they have hurt my feelings, the trick is to do it without crying.

In my journey through M.O.M.S I have learned to start recognizing the "grace filled" moments in my life, you know it truly is the little things in life that make it all worth being a mom.  For example last Friday mine was grace filled moment was wonderful and made me realize how blessed I am with such wonderful children.  My children had gotten out of school early and were just bickering with each other all day, driving me out of my mind.  I left to do grocery shopping and had left them to do their chores (and try not to kill each other), when I returned home all four of them came to the car and helped me take in the groceries and put them away and this all without me having to ask them.  The groceries were in the house and all put away within 20 minutes, I was amazed!  I of course thanked them, however, later that evening I was riding to the airport to pick up my dad and enjoying some Kari Jobe music, reflecting on my day and realized how amazing my children were. 

On another note, as I have said I am not doing the 26.2 with Donna, because of my lack of ability to train properly for it but I am doing the Disney Princess 1/2 which is in like 19 days.  I am so excited to do the race again with Christine and enjoy a weekend away.  I am hoping that now that I've started running again and I can continue on my path to getting myself healthy again and lose the weight I've gained in the past year.  Time will of course tell. 

So, all in all even with the minor bumps and bruises along the way this past week, life has been amazingly wonderful and I am feeling truly blessed!

 

Random thoughts and questions from a six year old

So, I have not posted in a while, OK well I think over a week.  I have been pretty productive around the     house    , however, I have not done what I set out to do for myself (I know big surprise   there right, NOT!)  This week at M.O.M.S I set a goal for myself and that was to use my kick bag at least three times before our next meeting, I guess I had better get punching and kicking.

  I am PMSing (TMI,LOL) so I'm moody and I'm hungry, just an all around fun person to be around.  Why is it always so easy to keep promises to others but not to yourself?  Ever notice that, or am I the only one who will drop myself for others, oh well, I'll get it right at some point.  I've started pulling papers to start getting ready to do what we have to do to sell our house, I'm soo looking forward to that nightmare in this tanking economy.  Onward and upward, not much I can do about the crap the government has gotten our economy into (except vote and believe me I do that every chance I get).

So, my Bella has posed some very interesting questions to me this week.  Our conversation in the car was about marriage and babies, you see I'll tell my kids you have to be married to have a baby, well I guess the got it but not really, LOL!  So, we are on our way to school yesterday and Bella asks if I have been married four times, and I told her I have not, that I have only been married to daddy (with a bit of a puzzled look, since I did not see the next thing coming).  Well, she says how can I have four babies if I only got married once, so I told her that all four of my babies are with daddy and she matter a fact states, "boys do not make babies only mommies do, so what does daddy have to do with it"?  By this point my tired mind is a bit dazed and confused, as it is only 7:20AM and I have yet to have my cup of coffee.  I try to wrap my brain around this so I can answer her in a way that she will understand, as I'm thinking she again says, "so you have been married four times right mommy"?  It is just way to early for this and tell her we will have this conversation when she gets older and turn up the radio.  Good Lord, what have I done, she thinks I got married four times so I could have four babies.  Well I know this has been a bit of a boring blog, but I had to share my Bella story because it was cute and innocent.  Have a blessed day!

OMG...what a way to start a Monday...

I mean a Tuesday!!!  So, I got on the scale this morning and I took my before pictures, all I have to say is O..M..G..!!      I wanted to hurl the camera, the pictures and the scale out the window, how could I let myself get to this point.  I must say I tossed my newly opened bag of Dove Dark Chocolate in the trash can and it's time to pick myself up by my boot straps.  As I stated earlier, I am going through a lot of emotional soul searching right now, trying to strengthen my bond with God, myself and my family.  Waking up one day and realizing that people aren't always who they seem to be or who you thought they were leads you to look inside yourself to look for answers.  However, even though I am going through this emotional war    inside myself I am going to have to reach deep down inside myself and pull out drive to get on with my physical goals before I end up eating myself into the next Biggest Loser contestant. No, I do not have a distorted perception of how big I am, I know I am know where near as big as the people on that show, the thing to add to that statement is ..not yet.  I do buy healthy food and serve healthy food, however, I do buy myself little treats   to scarf down (usually I hide them from the kids so I get to eat them).  Also I have noticed that I am a bit of an emotional eater, but only when I am feeling down.  I know that getting my butt back into shape will help my emotional side as well.  Time to put on my big girl panties and start dealing and stop putting it off.  PS/ In case you are wondering I will not be posting the details, i.e. pictures and actual numbers on the scale, LOL...this is the world wide web   and I do not need the whole world to see.  I will however, posts losses and gains and such.  OK...now to get cracking on the housework.

Downhill from Monday...

Nothing like starting the week with my truck acting up and having to call the hubby at work to come and take the kids to school.  Yes, the truck that I have just made my third payment on today...yes it is a 2009 vehicle, so not brand new, just new to me.  In its previous life it was someones leased vehicle, anywho it was still under warranty (for another four hundred miles, LOL), so problem was fixed.  I should have known right from there that week was not going to go as planned.  So, from there Monday was a pretty much a scratch as far as productivity is concerned...with the exception of getting my menu planned for the next forty days or so (although it is only planned on the calendar for the rest of the month).  However, the silver lining...I got to have breakfast at Paneras with my husband, mmm the food was great, the company was excellent!  Monday night I started my MOMS group at church (Ministry of Moms Sharing), which I'm looking forward to.  It's an eight week long journey of faith sharing for moms.  I'm looking forward to going through this for many reasons, what a great way to do some soul searching and of building your spirituality.  Seriously folks, that was just Monday...

It was a productive week, but a very slow productive week.  First the truck, then the shredder craps out on me, I think that was Wednesday, before it was done doing it's job too!!!  QUITTER!!  Then from there the modem crapped out on us.  It took me most of the week, but I finally got the office done.  I did groceries for the rest of the month on Friday, I do not remember my totals but my savings was 36%..done better but I'm happy with that.  Couponing and savings is harder when you are trying to eat healthier, lot less coupons and such for that.  I would love to see more sales and coupons on organic foods and less on things like cookies and junk cereals.  This morning I rearranged and organized my pantry...oooohhh and to help my OCD I purchased a label maker!!  Fun!!

I did not, however, get working out this week, nor did I do my initial weight and picture for my journal.  I will this week.  I did decide that I do not want to use my gym membership that Jason got me for Christmas, I've asked him to return it, and I can work out at home and in our community amenities.  Took the kids hiking today, which we all enjoyed.  Although I enjoyed our mile and a half hike, I was paranoid that the kids (or even J and I) would get ticks on us, LOL...my paranoia sometimes gets the better of me.  I think the funniest thing this week was when I was helping the little two with their shower today.  They stuck their little booties up to the glass shower door and made little butt cheek prints.  They proceeded to take their little butt cheek prints and put a line on either side to make glasses.  Creative I must say, but I laughed my butt off!!!  Where do they come up with these things?  AAhh to be a kid again, yeah, not really I'll pass, been there done that and I'm declaring it a no do over, LOL!  So, now off to enjoy the rest of this night and the rest of this long weekend with the love of my life and our children (both the two legged and four legged ones).

Deep thoughts and randomness

So, the other night my husband was talking about his New Year's Resolution that he made and how it was going, he then asked me what my resolution was.  I told him that I do not make New Year's Resolutions, which kind of puzzled him, he made some comment questioning the reason why one wouldn't want to make a resolution to better themselves.  Well, here is my reason for not making resolutions.  I decided a few years back that every year you make this big resolution, to get healthy, lose weight, get organized or whatever and then by the end of January, February if your lucky things start to fall apart.  I've decided you to make a plan, you need to spend the entire year working setting mini-goals for yourself.  Say for example instead of saying on January first that you are going to start exercising, eating right and your goal is lose 20lbs by next year...you would say maybe the beginning of January that you want to start walking for 30 minutes three times a week and not snack after 8:00 at night.  Work on this goal for a few weeks (so it becomes a habit, instead of goal...a habit lasts forever), then you could say OK, now I'm going to cut soda out and do sit-ups three times a week...so on and so forth.  Then by the end of the year instead of reaching a goal of losing 20lbs you've created a new lifestyle and you have a bunch of accomplishments then you can be proud of.  I do not know if I am making sense, but it seems that if you set small goals for yourself you set yourself up for better success rather than setting a resolution for the year, because let's face it if say by February you've fallen off the "resolution" wagon the whole thing gets lost in the day to day shuffle.  I think that instead of New Year's Resolutions, we should be telling people what accomplishments we've made throughout the year.  There is always room for improvement within oneself, but it may in several different areas of your life.  With setting mini-goals through out the year you can focus on that goal and turn it into a positive habit that lasts rather than something that stops once you reach your "goal".  Again, I'm not sure you follow, but I know what I'm thinking, LOL!

One personal thing I am working on this year is clearing the air with people whom I've had falling outs within the past couple of years.  I plan on through out the beginning of the year catching up with or sending little cards out to these people and letting them know how I feel, the reason is to make me feel better.  I am one of those emotional sentimental type of people, but I tend turn my emotions within when I get hurt and bottle it up.  Unfortunately, my poor husband will get the brunt of this through tears and sadness at home, and why should he have to hear it, I mean yes he gives me a hug and the support but he cannot fix it.  For me it will be a healing process, because I do carry this stuff around and it eats at me at times.  For the other person, maybe it will help them as well, from it I am expecting nothing, I hope it will patch up friendships and make others stronger, however, I've decided hear and now that if the other person gets angry over than there is nothing more I can do.  I have let them know how I feel and apologize for what I have done wrong in our situations, but I cannot be responsible for how they feel (um, well that's what I'm telling myself).  From here I hope to move on either as friends or we part ways and I've gotten things off of my chest.  Sort of a personal cleansing you could say.  I do not want all the nonsense drama anymore, I want true friends. 

So what do you find as good characteristics for a friend?  Here's what I would hope to find in a true friend; first and foremost someone I can trust.  Trust is not an easy thing for me, it definitely has to be earned.  If I tell them something in confidence than I want to know that they are going to respect me enough to not others.  Trust and honesty go hand in had and are both HUGE to me.  To me a friend is someone who is there for you in good and bad times.  You know, there to laugh with you when times are good, but also there to be your rock when things are not so good.  I have been blessed with some truly amazing friends in my life who have been there when others were not.  I can remember my best friend growing up, sadly we have lost touch through the craziness of life as adults (I still hold hope to one day get back in touch, maybe not as close as we were as kids, but it definitely would be great to catch up), she was there for me so much growing up.  I think one of the biggest things that stands out was when I was sexually abused by an uncle and I told her, I didn't know what to do, or if I was wrong about what was happening and I was devastated (he was at the time my favorite uncle).  I couldn't even bring myself to look my parents in the face and tell them...she told them for me.  I am not sure I ever thanked her (we were 12), if it was not for her I am not sure I would have ever told my parents, and who knows if things would have continued happening.  I don't think you really realize how important it is to surround yourself with amazing people until you find yourself feeling alone and wonder where everyone went.  Another quality that is truly important to me is their moods/feelings, now don't get me wrong we all have bad days where we are feeling less than positive, however, I believe that you become like the people you surround yourself with.  With that said, as an adult I've learned that it is important for me to that my friends are positive about life and all that it has to offer, you definitely feed off of each other and nothing worse than being around someone who is always so negative towards themselves, life in general or even others.  This year is going to be a great year an amazing year and it's going to start with me and hopefully I will positive enough to influence others to be more positive.  Have your ever been friends with someone, at least in your mind, and come to find out later from some else that they do not view you as a friend, in fact they don't even like you?  Really, it makes you start to question things...

So, tomorrow is Sunday and thus far I have not selected our menu for the rest of this month...that's what I'm doing during football tomorrow.  The decluttering of six years worth of living in the house is going to take me, oh about six more years I think, LMBO!!!  I've totally decluttered the kids' bathroom, some of the books on various shelves around the house have been downsized and all brought to a few less shelves, started the laundry room (I mean really how many Swiffer Vacs does one individual need?).  This week I'm going to hit the two hall closets, finish the laundry room and shudder to say this but I'm going to start on my son's room (the boy is such a pack rat, so this will have to be done while he is in school).  Also on Monday morning I vow to go to the gym and start my goal of getting back into the routine of a healthier lifestyle.  At some point I have to reevaluate the budget I set up for us...totally blew the grocery budget by about $100 the first two weeks, so I'm going to have to tweak the numbers and figure out what is a good amount.  Other than that I've done pretty good with our budget and so has J, now we just have to get tweaked for next month and keep doing this every month.  This is towards our goal to be better with our finances...long term goal is to pay off the credit cards, student loan, my truck...debt free with the exception of a house payment (soon to be Colorado, OK well not for awhile with this market, LOL). 

Well my brain is shutting down, so if I don't get going you'll be reading a bunch of random letters as my head hits the keyboard.  As Tigger says...TTFN, ta ta for now!