So, wow I've not posted since April, my how the time has slipped away from me. All kinds of things going in the three ring circus called, "my life"...of course if you expected anything but chaos then you obviously are not a parent of four children, LOL!
School is out for the summer, they go back in like 47 days or something like that, but hey whose counting (Me!). Seriously though they've been pretty good, I think out of all the time they have been off thus far (since June 3rd), they've only wanted to kill each other about four days, LOL! Thus far, no one has successfully carried out their mission and all four still reside in the same house. I haven't tried to put any of them in a box to ship them to daddy or some other distant relative, although I think I've come close a few times, however, bedtime in the evening always seems to save them from being mailed out, LOL! Something about how sweet and innocent they look when they are sleeping, their biggest weapon, LOL! We have made it almost three months into this 14 month deployment, although we did a get a two week visit in there which was a pleasant surprise. The only downside to the two week visit is now we are trying to find our groove again, but we'll manage, we always do. It's never easy, but really what in life is ever easy that is really worth having/fighting for. Thus far, our summer has been crazy with Boy Scout camp, the 13 year birthday party planing and shindig and the much anticipated dance recital...that doesn't sound like a lot, but for 24 days it felt like pure insanity at times.
I've been thinking that I need to make a list and set some goals to finish while the hubby is deployed, I think if I set up some goals, I will keep busy and make the time go by faster, as well as have accomplished a few things I've been wanting to do. I'll admit it right here and now, most of them center around me and are for me, so yes, I'm going to be a little bit selfish. However, if I firmly believe that setting up my own personal goals will make a better/happier person, mother and wife...so really everyone wins. I am always the first to offer to help/ say yes to someone who asks for help, which will not change, because that is just who I am. The only problem with this is I will start something for myself, and it will go onto the shelf where it will collect dust till I find time to get back to it or back to myself. If there is anything I've learned it is that there is no one else who can make you truly happy with yourself than you. Others will try and they may succeed in making you feel happy on the outside, but really on the inside, only you can make yourself truly happy. I think one of the biggest goals I have for myself is to get back into the shape I was in three years ago, that was the best shape I have ever been in my life and I truly was happy with myself both inside and out. I knew there was a reason I kept those size two jeans in my closet, LOL! Of course this is not going to come easy as I have let myself get a bit out of control at times, but like I said anything that is truly worth it, is never easy. I've already started working on this goal, by joining a boot camp class, that I attend Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings...on at least three of the other days in the week I am trying to get some form of cardio in and keep the momentum going. It seems like over the past two years, every time I try and get back on track, I will start good and have a few really kick butt workouts and then something will come up and I will stop for that week. Then a week or two later I'll try again and have one or two good workouts...it's just been an evil cycle, that I am now trying to break. Obviously, with this comes eating better, now we do not eat horribly, however I do have my weaknesses that I need to reign back into control. So as for eating, I am trying to get myself back on the, "Body For Life" mindset...clean and healthy eating six days a week and allowing myself to eat what I want one day a week. It really worked for me in the past, so I just have to get back on the ball with it. I already know my husband is going to come home all buff and looking good...and if anything like last time, looking younger. I just want to be in shape and healthy again, what I told him was this, "I know you think I'm sexy and beautiful, however, I want to feel sexy and beautiful and comfortable in my own skin again" I hate how I feel right now, I hate clothes shopping, and I'm tired of feeling this way. It's time to take care of this body that God has graced me with.
Something else that I have been wanting to do for a long time, is find my place in my church community. Well after some soul searching and a lot of praying, I believe my gift that God has given me is my love of helping others. I'm excited to say that next Thursday (the first Thursday of the month) I will finally be able to attend my first meeting of the church Outreach Ministry. I've told the kids that we were going to start helping out at local soup kitchen probably once a month, so my next step is to find where and how we can do this. I want me children to know how important it is to help others, I want them to feel the pride in knowing that they may have just made a difference in someones life, or even just helped that person have a better day. I would love to somehow be able to work photography into helping others, I have been thinking about (probably for about a year now) getting trained with the organization, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDS) and using my photography to help parents mourn the loss of their newborns. It is something I truly want to do, my only reservation is the emotional side of it, I am a very sensitive and emotional person, and I am not sure how well I would do to keep my composure. So, this is something that over the next year I will continue to pray about and let God lead there if it is something he wants me to do.
This summer, I'm also participating in an online group challenge to read the Bible in 90 days. I have tried a few times to read the Bible on my own, but never finished. My hopes that doing with a group and having a "sponsor" who am accountable to will help to finish. I have been reading the girls Bible stories at bedtime since Easter, the Easter Bunny brought them a Bible that breaks down each of the major stories and I think I am enjoying it just as much as they are. Now the Easter Bunny also brought them a Children's Book on Saints, but mmm that does not make the best bedtime reading. I started getting questions like, "Mommy why did her daddy kill her?", and honestly was not sure how to answer that to a five and seven year old.
I'm sure my list will grow the more I think and pray about things, but for now these are my major goals to accomplish with Jason is deployed....after all I've got a whole year to come up with more!